


Finishing Up

by Joycee



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, Goodbyes, Humor, Meta, Mystery, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:17:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joycee/pseuds/Joycee
Summary: Elizabeth Burke finds her short stories on a mystery writers forum being used as a basis for crimes that are being blamed on Neal Caffrey.





	Finishing Up

**Author's Note:**

> _(Characters from a number of episodes are mentioned briefly, so there could possibly be spoilers for anyone who hasn’t watched the entire series.)_

Elizabeth Burke turned to her husband, Special Agent Peter Burke of the FBI’s New York White Collar office, and sighed, “I just don’t get it.” 

“Don’t get what, Hon?” Peter responded distractedly.

She sighed, “It’s just that the last couple of stories I have published about Nigel Montgomery seem to be related to a few of your recent cases.”

“You mean that mystery writers forum you belong to?” Peter reflected. “Well, I guess it’s okay if you use my cases for inspiration as long as no one is recognizable.”

“That’s just it, Peter,” Elizabeth explained. “It seems to be the other way around.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” questioned Peter, looking at her strangely. “Isn’t your character Nigel based on Neal?”

Elizabeth nodded and Peter pointed out, “But Neal turned out not to be involved in my last few cases.”

“But he was suspected and accused, wasn’t he?” reminded Elizabeth. 

“Yeah he was,” Peter conceded thoughtfully. “Let me read the stories you are talking about and I’ll think about it.

Peter was privately amused by his wife’s participation in an online mystery fiction forum. He thought she was a pretty good writer, but should present her work in a more traditional outlet. Nevertheless, he was proud of her imaginative stories. He hadn’t really noticed the similarity they had with his work.

After reading a couple of her most recent mystery stories, Peter acknowledged, “I see what you mean, El. Are you sure you published these stories before my cases?”

Elizabeth nodded, “I’m certain, but I have an idea. I’ll write another one and let’s see what happens.”

Peter didn’t take it very seriously, but he humored her, “Sure, that’s a good idea. What are you going to write about?”

“I’m not telling,” she replied with a smile. “I’m not even going to inform you when I publish it. Let’s just see what happens.”

Elizabeth thought hard about how she could possibly trap someone who was using her stories as inspirations for crimes and possibly trying to implicate Neal. Finally, she came up with a unique scenario and started writing. When she finished the rather improbable tale, she posted it and waited anxiously to see what happened. 

About a week later, Peter came home exhausted and complained, “The case we just picked up really has me frustrated. I’m afraid that only Neal could come up with something like this. He denies it, but he just has to be involved.”

“Oh?” Elizabeth questioned casually. “Why don’t you tell me about it? But first, let me guess. Does it have something to do with a rare golden fertility goddess that was recently discovered at an archeological site in Columbia?”

“How did you know?” Peter arched his eyebrows and stared at his wife. “Wait, don’t tell me. That’s what you wrote about in your last story?”

Elizabeth nodded proudly, “Yep, that’s it. I bet someone intercepted the statue at customs and all the signs point to Neal, with the help of Mozzie, of course.”

Peter was astonished. He said, “Hon, this is serious. How did you know about the artifact?”

“I just read online that it had been discovered and was being transferred to the U.S. and I concocted a way that it could be intercepted in a daring way that Neal might try,” she explained proudly.

“But you didn’t tell Neal, did you?” checked Peter cautiously.

Elizabeth shook her head, “Nope. I didn’t tell anyone. Bet you don’t have any real evidence that Neal did it, do you?”

Peter admitted, “Just circumstancial. We don’t have any real proof.”

Elizabeth suggested, “I think we need to call Neal and ask him to come over.”

Peter agreed tentatively, but then asked, “You don’t suppose Neal reads your stories, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” Elizabeth said firmly, “but someone obviously does. I’m calling Neal now. Shall I tell him to bring Mozz?”

“Not yet,” Peter cautioned. “One step at a time.”

Later that evening, Neal showed up with a bottle of good South American wine. He asked cheerfully, “What’s up? Did you get a break in the case? I told you I didn’t do it, Peter. I wish you wouldn’t always suspect me.”

Elizabeth said gently, “Sit down, Neal. I’ll pour some of this for us.”

Peter interjected wearily, “I think I’ll have Scotch instead.”

Neal looked worried and insisted, “Peter, I swear, I did not have anything to do with stealing that Columbian goddess and I have no idea who did, but don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. We always do. You know, Caffrey and Burke. We’re unbeatable.”

Peter muttered automatically, “It’s Burke and Caffrey.”

Elizabeth interrupted, “Neal, you don’t understand. There’s something strange going on here.”

“Like what?” said Neal brightly, while savoring his wine. “Want me to call Mozzie? He specializes in strange.”

“He sure does,” Peter grumbled. “But no, we want to run this by you first.”

Neal looked at them expectantly and Elizabeth continued, “Do you know I write stories for an online mystery forum?”

Neal’s eyes twinkled as he confided, “Peter might have mentioned something about that once.”

Elizabeth gave Peter a suspicious look, but she pressed, “Have you ever read any of my stories?”

Neal said uncomfortably, “Oh, uh, no, I really don’t have a lot of time to read and, anyway.....”

“You prefer the classics,” Peter finished for him. “But you’re sure? You never read one of El’s stories?”

“No. Why? What are they about?” Neal asked innocently.

Elizabeth blushed and explained, “They’re case fiction about crimes committed by a charming handsome conman named Nigel Montgomery. He’s kind of like...”

“Like me?” Neal gave her a delighted smile. “Elizabeth, I’m so flattered! Can I read one?”

Peter broke in glumly, “Yeah, you’re a real glamorous star, but let’s get to the point here. The last couple of stories that Elizabeth posted have turned out to resemble our recent cases.”

Neal chided, “Hey, no fair copying. Aren’t your stories supposed to be original?”

Elizabeth exclaimed, “But that’s the point. It’s your cases that are imitating my stories!”

“What do you mean?” mused Neal. “Oh! Do you mean you think someone is reading your work and then committing the crimes you described?”

“Exactly,” Elizabeth concluded. “Peter didn’t believe me, so we ran a little experiment and it happened again. I invented a very unusual crime and a Nigel/Neal character apparently committed it.”

“Wow,” Neal enthused. “That’s pretty creative - of you and of the thief. Peter, is that what you think is happening? Someone is reading Elizabeth’s fiction for ideas?”

“Looks like it,” conceded Peter reluctantly.

“Okay, so let’s figure this out,” Neal suggested briskly. “Tell me more about this writing forum. How many stories have you written for them? How often do you submit them? Who reads them? What kind of feedback do you get?”

Elizabeth disclosed that she had written about fifty stories under the pen name of _LizzyB_ over the last couple of years, submitting one every couple of weeks. She explained that she received feedback from the site in terms of the number of hits on her works, as well as kudos and even comments from some readers. She had a regular following as well as a number of random anonymous readers.

“So how many people read them, would you say?” asked Peter.

“Well, it varies quite a bit. I’ve gotten from as few as 300 to as many as 4000 hits. The average is around 1500. Of course, those aren’t necessarily all different readers, because some people may read them more than once. Sometimes I write stories with chapters, so readers may click on each one to read the whole thing. Also, sometimes they start off slow and pick up over time.”

“What about the kudos and comments?” pursued Neal. “Are those discrete counts?”

“Sort of,” Elizabeth agreed. “You can only leave kudos once on a story. I get anywhere from 10 to 50 on most of my works. The average is 25. Once I got 75. If you do the math, the ratio of kudos to hits is about 1:50. Comments are very few. Many stories don’t get any, but I’ve had a few works get 2-10. They usually just say they enjoyed the story. They are never critical or discouraging; well, except for one time but that was an exception.”

“Do you think those are typical rates of response for the writers on the forum?” inquired Peter.

“Oh, it’s hard to tell. I think those are pretty respectable numbers. Some authors only post one or two works, but there are others who are very prolific. Some are very popular and receive thousands of hits and hundreds of kudos,” Elizabeth disclosed.

Neal wondered, “What makes some writers or stories so popular?”

“Well, there are different types of stories, of course. There are content ratings and there are themes. Works range from light fluffy comedy and fantasy, to creative sci-fi like things, to case fiction to serious drama and tragedy. Many have recurring characters, like mine, who are probably often based on real people,” Elizabeth began.

She poured them all some more wine and then went on, “Some popular themes are medical mishaps, angst, and hurt/comfort. The medical problems range from heart attacks, pneumonia, concussions, and gunshots to sore throats and ingrown toenails. Sometimes it seems like graphic brutality and perversion attract a lot of kudos, but so do tragedies and heartbreaks. Happy endings are popular, too. And of course, there’s sex and relationships. Lots of sex!”

Elizabeth paused again and looked away coyly. “Did I mention that Nigel is bisexual? He’s very appealing to both women and men and equally attracted to both.”

Neal sputtered, “W-well, w—where did you get that idea? I thought you said he was modeled on me?”

“Oh come on, Neal,” cooed Elizabeth. “That’s not so farfetched. In my stories, Nigel and the suave and brilliant FBI detective, Brock Harden, who he works with are in love with each other.”

Neal laughed and Peter winked at him, “She forgot to mention that.”

Neal was fascinated and pressed, “Tell us some more. What do you get out of it? You don’t get paid and you don’t get famous. Why do you do it?”

“It’s satisfying and it’s low risk since you don’t use your own name,” explained Elizabeth. “It gives me a chance to practice writing without worrying that much about how it succeeds. It doesn’t cost anything and it’s a creative and entertaining thing to do. I guess you could say it’s a hobby.“

“Of course,” she confessed, “it can be demoralizing when nobody seems to be reading or leaving kudos and sometimes I long for comments.”

Peter gave her a hug and concluded, “And you may be inspiring some real criminal out there. Neal, you go read Elizabeth’s latest work and let’s discuss it at the office tomorrow.”

As Neal got up to leave, he begged, “Please let me tell Mozzie about this. He’s going to love it.”

“Especially since one of my characters is based on him, too,” added Elizabeth mischievously. “His name is Barry.

Peter sighed, “Okay, might as well. Maybe Barry will have an idea who our copycat may be.”

When Neal told Mozzie about his conversation with the Burkes, he was not surprised to find out that Mozzie knew of the mystery writers forum. He marveled, “Of course, you would know all about this. You know about everything!”

Mozzie pontificated, “Oh, it can be quite interesting, not to mention hilarious, when people write about things they know nothing about. Turns out you can’t always get a great education on Google. A lot of the medical stories are especially laughable, but readers love them anyway.”

Neal guessed, “I guess the readers don’t know much about it either.”

Mozzie harrumphed, “Never more true than when the mostly female writers describe male sexuality for their mostly female audience. For one thing, they think men are capable of endless repetitive orgasms in very short time periods, like women are. They have no concept of a refractory period or the effects of aging.”

He continued, “They tend to treat men as if they were emotionally similar to women, too. Lots of tender feelings and blushing and tears. You know. The terminology is interesting. For instance, penises are usually called cocks; occasionally dicks, but never peters or willies. There are a few awkward references to sporting hard ons and popping woodies.”

Neal surmised, “Sounds like you don’t think much of them then.”

“Well, the spelling and grammar are really atrocious in the worst of them and there are often a lot of trite repetitive tropes,” criticized Mozzie, “but then some of them are extremely intriguing, insightful, and elegantly written. There’s quite a range of proficiency, and a little proofreading would help, but the majority of them are passably entertaining.”

Neal asked, “So what do you think about the theory that someone is copycatting Elizabeth’s plots?”

Mozz allowed, “It’s a fascinating theory. I suppose it might be possible. I will peruse her last couple works and consider it.”

With that, Mozzie left. Neal had planned to go right to sleep, but once he logged on to the popular mystery writers site, he couldn’t stop reading. Before he knew it, he had finished a bottle of wine and the sun was coming up and his head was stuffed with lurid details and raw emotions from the stories he had been consuming.

Neal finally fell asleep to wild dreams of Nigel and Barry and Brock committing and solving improbable crimes despite daunting illness and adversity, while still finding time for torrid sex with each other and the women in their lives. When he awoke, he had an inkling of who they might be dealing with and how they could set a trap.

After a couple of cups of strong coffee, Neal finally made it to work. Peter didn’t look like he’d had a restful night either. He gave Neal a tired smile and beckoned for him to come to his office. “Well, did you come up with anything last night?” Peter asked wearily.

Neal smirked, “Hey, in the context of fantasy fiction, I might take that as innuendo.”

“Smart ass,” Peter snorted. “You know what I meant. What do you think.”

“I have some idea about who could be doing this, but I also have a plan,” Neal volunteered. “Let’s get Elizabeth to post her next work by chapters. We can help her set up traps for our criminal as she goes along.”

“And we will be there to catch him!” Peter concurred. “I like it! Good thinking, Nigel.”

Neal giggled, “Thanks, Brock. Now all we have to do is convince _LizzyB_.”

“Ler’s break the news over a nice lunch,” suggested Peter. “Right now we need to work on the case with the golden Columbian figure. What do you think it’s worth and how difficult would it be to fence?”

When they went to Peter’s house for lunch, they found Mozzie already making himself at home with a bottle of wine. Elizabeth winked at Peter and explained, “Mozz dropped by earlier. We’ve been kicking some ideas around.”

Neal proposed smoothly, “Well, we’d like to add some ideas for your next story.”

Peter concurred, “We’d like you to write it in chapters and let us help you include some set ups to catch the thief.”

“That almost feels unfair,” Mozzie objected, “like entrapment.”

“Yeah, well, this guy is making my wife an unwitting accessory to crime,” pointed out Peter.

Elizabeth wondered, “How do you know it’s a guy? Most of my readers, as well as the other writers are women.”

Neal wrinkled his brow and then grinned, “Oh, I have some ideas who it could be.”

“Care to share?” Peter asked impatiently, but Neal shook his head and resisted, “Not quite yet. It’s just a suspicion.”

“Okay, well what should my story be about?” Elizabeth asked brightly. “I’m open to suggestions. In Chapter 1, we should probably just identify the object to be stolen. We don’t want to give too much away too soon.”

Peter joked, “Nigel, Barry, what would you like to steal?”

“Well, it needs to be something fabulous that very few people know about,” suggested Neal.

“Hmm, I know,” Mozzie said excitedly. “There’s a rumor that the phallus of an ancient Asian king was preserved for posterity by coating it with a secret potion and dipping it in silver. Then it was decorated with fabulous jewels and nestled into a silk lined box made of reptile skins. It hasn’t been seen for ages, though explorers have hunted for it.”

There was silence in the room while everyone stared at the small genius. Finally, Neal responded, “Ew, that’s macabre. Anyway I’ve never heard of it. Have you, Peter?”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as her husband slowly nodded and confirmed, “I have, but as far as I know, no one has any clue where it is, if it even really exists at all.”

Neal shrugged, “Well, neither does our mark, er target. Mozz, think we could come up with some kind of credible replica?”

At Elizabeth’s look of horror, Mozzie raised a hand and vowed, “No actual phalluses will be harmed in this process. Wait, is it phalluses or phallae?”

Peter interjected, “What difference does it make? We only need one anyway.”

Mozzie conceded, “Good point. Okay, Elizabeth, you start writing. Neal and I will retreat to our laboratory.”

“Where is that?” wondered Neal. “We don’t have a lab.”

“Sure we do,” Mozzie waved at him. “We have your kitchen. Suit, we’re going to need some materials, though. I’ll submit an official requisition list. By the way, no one else at the FBI should be told what we are doing. You never know who might be involved.”

Peter frowned, but Neal and Elizabeth agreed and he saw their logic. He questioned, “What are we going to call this thing? I’ve only ever seen it referred to in an untranslatable ancient extinct language.”

“How about the Sacred Silver Sword?” suggested Neal excitedly.

“Hey, who’s writing this story anyway?” complained Elizabeth goodnaturedly.

Peter apologized, “Sorry, Hon, but it is a good name. You can build a plausible legend around it since there is very little actually known about it.”

They finished their drinks and said their goodnights, with Peter agreeing that the FBI would pay for any materials that they couldn’t find in the evidence storage cave.

Mozzie was eager to get started immediately, but Neal insisted that he needed to sleep because he still had to work the next day.

By the end of the week, Elizabeth had written an interesting myth based on the little bit of fact they had regarding what the conspirators were calling the Triple S.

Neal asked Elizabeth, “How often do you publish new chapters?”

She answered, “Well, anywhere from every day to once a week, usually every few days. Some people wait much longer, and actually, some writers never even finish their works. So we have a lot of flexibility.”

“Let’s go with twice a week,” decided Peter. “That will give our suspects time enough to read and react, but not long enough for them to lose interest or get ahead of us.”

“Well, here goes nothing,” quipped Elizabeth as she posted the work from her laptop. “It’s out there now. Let’s see what happens.”

Peter sighed, “Too bad, in the old days, we could have just watched the public library to see who started looking up the relevant materials. It will be much harder with everyone having internet access.”

“Oh, you can’t fool me,” chided Mozzie. “I know you feds can monitor people’s online activities, too.”

“Well, it’s not quite that simple,” Peter protested, “but we can track some obvious sites.”

Elizabeth asked brightly, “So what do I put in my next chapter?”

Neal’s eyes glinted. He was loving the creative process. It was fun planning a con this way. He suggested, “Well, how about if you have Nigel hot on its trail? Nothing like some good competition to get things moving.”

“That’s a good idea,” Peter concurred. “How many chapters do we think this story is going to take to draw out our criminal?”

“Or criminals,” corrected Neal. “We could be dealing with a cartel.”

Peter protested, “In Elizabeth’s works, it’s always only Nigel and Barry.”

“Sure,” Neal grinned, “but they’re exceptional! Not just anyone could do what they do.”

Mozzie joked, “Actually, I’m thinking of consulting Elizabeth to come up with some good schemes for us, once we get rid of these amateur copycats.”

Peter frowned, “Oh no. In fact, I think it might be time for Elizabeth to consider another genre, like maybe romance.”

Elizabeth slipped into his arms and flirted, “You think I’m romantic, Peter?”

He turned and kissed her and Neal and Mozzie slipped away to leave them alone.

After the second chapter was posted, the FBI picked up a couple of hits on some relevant websites and started to try to track them down. Elizabeth was a bit discouraged because the first two chapters hadn’t gotten as many hits as she usually did and only a couple of readers left kudos. 

There had been one interesting comment, though: “Always find your stories so inspiring.” It was left by someone with the pseudonym _FixerGirl_.

Elizabeth planned and posted her third chapter giving some hints that the Triple S was going to be sold to a private collector in New York City. The FBI continued targeted monitoring of a couple of planted websites.

What was confusing Peter was that there seemed to be too many people showing interest in the clues. Neal suggested, “Have we considered that there may be more than one criminal involved?”

“You mean like a cartel?” asked Peter. “I don’t know. I think we need to take a look at what some of our suspects might have in common.”

“I have an idea,” Neal proposed. “What if they’re all people who have been caught by White Collar for other crimes. Maybe Elizabeth is not as anonymous as she thinks she is.”

“But if we caught them, shouldn’t they be in jail?” Peter questioned.

“Well, maybe not all of them are,” Neal proposed. “Suppose at least one of them is free.”

“All right,” Peter agreed. “Let’s consider who they could be.”

Neal smile broadly, “I’ve made up a tentative list.”

He handed it over and Peter was amazed as he perused the names: Bianca Estaverana, auctioneer; Maria Fiammetta, black market dealer; Raquelle Larouche, smuggler; Mara Summers, unethical psychiatrist; Selena Thomas, black widow.

“Wow! That’s a lot more than I expected,” Peter admitted.

Neal added, “There are also a couple of FBI agents that are unhappy with us, like Kimberly Rice and Amanda Calloway, but I doubt if they are involved. I saved my best for last, though.” He wrote at the top of the list: Landon Shepherd, fixer.

“Of course!” Peter breathed. “She's not in jail and she could be operating alone or in concert with some of these others.”

He patted Neal’s shoulder and smiled, “Good work. I think it’s time to look into the whereabouts and activities of these ladies.”

Neal concurred, “But do it carefully. Then I think we should ask Elizabeth to start writing some new characters into her next chapter.

“Won’t that make them anxious?” Peter worried.

“Exactly,” Neal smirked. “Maybe someone will get nervous and we can flush her out.”

In the last chapter of her story, _LizzyB_ had the character Nigel tragically shot and killed in the process of acquiring the Trple S. She described how his heartbroken sidekick Barry strapped the silvercoated phallus onto Nigel’s dead body in the belief that it would give him eternal life. 

Mozzie mournfully left the crypt where the body of his best friend lay with the Triple S draped over his hips. Caught up in the power of the mythology, the woman waiting in the shadows did not notice that the FBI had strategically hidden armed agents around the crypt.

She crept quietly into the dark crypt with only a small beam flashlight. When she reached the corpse, sentimental tears filled her eyes as she reached out to stroke the silver artifact. To her shock, Neal firmly grabbed her wrist and sat up with his other hand holding the silver coated faux phallus.

Nigel/Neal said calmly, “Hello Landon. Is this what you came for?”

Landon Shepherd screamed and tried to break away from Neal, only to back up into Peter Burke. He restrained her and began to read her her rights. 

Neal looked at her sadly and asked, “Why, Landon? I’m disappointed. I thought you were smarter than this.”

The sleek brunette spat out, “You tricked me. I thought I was acting on inside information from Burke’s wife. I wanted this fabulous exotic unique artifact. Do you have any idea how powerful it is?”

Mozzie wandered back into the crypt and and snarked, “You could have just asked me to make you another one.”

“You mean this isn’t even real?” shrieked Landon. “I can’t believe this was all a set up! Neal, how could you?”

Neal quipped, “Glad to see you’re so happy I’m alive. It means a lot.”

After Landon was taken was taken back to the FBI for interrogation, she spilled the details of the crimes that she had committed based on Elizabeth’s stories. She admitted that some of the other women on their suspect list were involved and implicated them thoroughly.

Peter went home to find Elizabeth excitedly writing the final conclusion to her story. She enthused, “Peter, the readers are loving this. This is the most hits and kudos I’ve ever gotten!”

Peter nuzzled her neck and reminded, “But it’s still your last one, my little criminal mastermind. Let’s allow our criminals to think up their own schemes, okay?”

“Okay,” Elizabeth agreed regretfully, “but it was fun. Hon, do you think I could have the Triple S for a memento?”

“What for?” wondered her husband.

He looked at her in astonishment as she gave him a sexy smile and murmured, “I hear it has some impressive powers!”

**Author's Note:**

> I think this will probably be my last White Collar fan fiction story. I’ve loved writing them and I appreciate all the reader support I’ve gotten. Thanks so much to all who read my works and left kudos and comments! Thanks to AO3 for making this fabulous forum available.
> 
>  
> 
> I love all the characters of the White Collar TV series created by Jeff Eastin for USA network and now available on Netflix.


End file.
